The Politeness of Silently Freaking Out, by Retinna Bell

On a recent trip to [city name] on [planet], I found myself, as most earthlings do while in its metropolitan area, in serious need of directions.  My skills in the local tongue had been waning for some time, so I used a map to point to what I thought was my destination when a group of passersby stopped to give me a hand.  I asked, "Is this far?"  I should have picked up their concern in their glances at each other, then back to the map, the to each other.  I notice things about [alien race] because they are absolutely the most beautiful creatures in the galaxy to me.  Their elongated faces and limbs, the foliage of cranial tentacles that resemble human dread locks, and the smooth and almost ballet-style movements all strike me as incredibly aesthetic. So the jerkiness of their mannerisms should have struck me as interrogative.  But I was unnaturally preoccupied with internal recitations so that I could remember all that I needed to share once I reached the big "X" on my map.  They quickly replied, "It's not far."  Being pressed for time, I thanked them and quickly headed in the same direction.  I was shocked when the group began following me.  When I turned to look at them, the tallest of the group repeated, "It's not far."  I smiled and thanked them, bowing lowly as custom between strangers usually entails.  But they continued behind me like strands in a blue train trailing graciously behind me.  Rather than proceed and ignore the obvious signs , I decided just to stop and get to the bottom of things.

They seemed relieved when I stopped walking and approached them. This time, a much smaller one came forward, smiling.  "It is not far," she said.  Then she added a phrase which struck me to be a bit nutty as it can only be translated to mean "empty pockets."  I suppose the look on my face must have been amusing, because she covered her face and peered at me through her long, spindly fingers.  As she did, several members of her group gasped.  I soon realized that they were explaining to her that I was an earth creature.  I'd read that [race] can blush, but that was the first time I'd ever seen the phenomenon.  It was as if a sunset had slowly come to settle across her face.  She came closer, just within the borders of my personal space, and began to speak to me in perfect English.  "I was not aware that you were an earthling. I hope that I did not offend you.